Up Early - off to see my girl

Get to see my girl today!  I am so excited.  She may or may not bring the new roomies.  I am thinking she may not and she might just lay on the couch at her grandmas and do NOTHING...and doing/helping her do laundry doesn't seem like such a chore today - HA, how things change when they move away...

The battle with the addiction was strong yesterday.  When I am alone in the house I find it the hardest to battle.  I want to eat everything...I have read on a few blogs that making the statement that I won't eat alone for anything but main meals (I work from home, I can't NOT eat alone all the time) helps many of you...I am going to make that vow - that my eating has to be a public thing if I am snacking...my meals are really good, my snacking and the wine is really bad.

Anyone know of any good books that talk about food addiction?

Scale up. Ugh!

Addiction to food as you all know is hard and we need to each face it. I am going to stare it in the eyes and say no more!!!  After hearing my band flipped I have been on a little bit of a food binge, testing things and the scale showed it this morning!!!!  I am such the self sabotager. Oy vey!!!
Today is a new day. Yesterday is history. So onwards and downwards :).

missed a day

busy work day yesterday...all day in the bay...good day, just busy.

Not much to say - a little discouraged about my flipper...

Flipped

Yep, it flipped, yay me - NOT.

Had an appt with the doc today, my port has flipped - have to go in on September 12 to get it fixed...she is also going to do the fill while she is in there.

the office staff asked what i did - i said um, cirque du soleil tryout :-)  Seriously, how the "f" do i know how it happened.

Anyway, doc is way cool about it all, she was going to try to get me in to fix it tomorrow - of course i need to do blood work and have a day of soft foods before the surgery so that just wasn't going to happen.

So to say the least I am bummed.

But the best part is that I am down 30 pounds total - woo hoo!!!  So at least there was a good part of the appointment.

The Closed Door

And the door remains closed.  She isn't in there and I haven't opened it yet.  Today I will open the door, wash the sheets, straighten up(I think she left clothes in her hamper) and maybe leave it open...but I miss her.  Her posts on FB and Instragram are showing a girl very much loving her first days of college. I am super happy for her...but my own sadness is starting to sink in.  UGH. I am feeling old. I have a college student. Where did the time go?

I did post some pics yesterday - I see some changes - not bad, IMHO :-)

I am feeling a little annoyed with the hubby... he hasn't really remarked on the changes ... go figure. I feel he is waiting for me to fail just like every other "diet". I wonder how many have gone through this journey and have changed more than just their body but changed those around them too...seems like that baggage may be something to work through.  Thoughts?

Blogging every day for the rest of August

Time to get focused!
Today marks a new chapter for us.  Just took our darling daughter to college over the weekend and we are now adjusting to life with just three of us under one roof.  Our son isn't quite so sure about the extra attention he is getting but I am sure it will all normalize soon. I am not so sure of the closed door to her room and the fact she won't be opening and closing it every morning and I won't hear that door creak...I am super excited for her and this new chapter BUT I am feeling a little melancholy this morning.

So need to channel this energy - I need to get focused on me again.

Been spending too much time eating out, drinking, and enjoying the last bits of summer and my daughter and the excuses that come with all of that to fall off the wagon.  No more falling off the wagon - time to buckle down and get back on track.

I find that when I blog, when I read blogs I stay much more focused.  So I am going to work on blogging for the rest of the month of August, every day, even if I don't have anything much to say...

Here is what else I am going to do:
1 - Really monitor my protein - my hair is falling out...but my nails are the strongest they have ever been - go figure.
2 - Get back to doing my protein shakes regularly.
3 - Take a walk in the evenings...it is crazy hot these days but a walk later in the evening will do us all good.
4 - Post pictures of my progress.  It is time.
5 - Blog for the rest of August
6 - Focus on healthy food!

Happy day everyone - make it great.

Just a little update

Home from a crazy few days of work and long days.  Managed to keep up the protein and my vitamins and my exercise this week and dropped a couple of pounds.

Off to the lake this weekend - it is going to be 107 - which means lots of time in the water which is great exercise and will feel good on the body.  Love being in the water.

Summer is flying by - soon will be taking my DD to college and my DS will be starting 8th grade - where does the time go???

Have a fabulous weekend everyone.

Thanks for being an inspiration in your posts.  I may not post a lot on mine but I do read all of you!

Ten Things Thursday

It's Thursday and in my quest to blog more and track my journey here we go:

1 - Went to sushi last night new place that just opened in the neighborhood - I love sushi - enjoyed it without all the rice and extra "stuff" and ate less and felt great about it.  Wasn't afraid to ask for substitutions or changes to the menu - first for me - i usually just take what they serve...

2 - These delta breezes are amazing today - love that the windows are open and the breeze is heading in - no AC this morning!

3 - DD had a great orientation for college - so proud of her and her new adventures that will start soon.

4 - No further stuck issues - chew, chew, chew.

5 - I have discovered chaika (sp?) protein shakes that have caffeine and taste like a latte - yum!  Now i do my regular cup of coffee and instead of a second cup i have this - now getting in more protein.

6 - Turning 41 on monday - need to change my about me in my blog.

7 - Will be taking some progress photos today and start building out a page of progress.

8 - Found some new blogs to follow of bandsters just starting out - love my veterans and all they post but looking forward to seeing how people do on similar paces as me.  Thanks to those that post about new bandsters!

9 - I have been tracking my food.

10 - Gym or exercise today!

Found this pic from my vacation - reminds me of how nice it was by the pool.  Would love to be there right now :-)  Alas sitting behind the computer working away :-)

OMG - Worst night of this journey so far

This post is going to be a little yuck - warning, warning!

Last night had to have been the WORST night in this journey so far.  I ate too fast, didn't chew enough, and was stuck and sliming and PB'ing for about 2 hours...I never threw up as no bile taste in my mouth but OMG, i have never experienced something so uncomfortable and disgusting in my life.  Thankfully, I was home all alone and worked it through without an audience but here is what i learned:

1 - Chew, chew, chew - and if you think you chewed enough go another few chews - read on a board last night that someone says the abc's while they chew...great idea!!!

2 - Don't eat mindlessly - many of you have gotten stuck when you aren't paying attention to what you are eating - exactly what happened last night!!!  UGH!

3 - Water on top of stuck is not a good idea.

4 - Pineapple juice helped a little but also came back up.

5 - You can really tell when it has either all come up or it has passed through your band - I am so learning how to listen to my body.

So today - liquids and mushies to be kind to my band and the way I feel today which is not fabulous...

Learning, it is a learning process, i have to keep telling myself that. And last night's lesson, I could have skipped but honestly now I know...and it has stopped in my tracks - don't ever want to do that again...and especially since my job takes me into public eating situations...don't ever want to go through that while at a work function...

So to end on a positive - two good things came out of last nights experience:

1 - I learned more about what this journey is.
2 - I dropped some weight - not the right way to drop the weight and I am sure it will come right back but i did like the number this morning.

Been awhile

It's been awhile but I am back into my old routine after 10 days in Vegas, a crazy graduation of my daughter (cancelled graduation because of heat - some of you may have seen it in the national news - crazy we made national news) and then ~20 days of vacation (much needed...)

In spite of being gone I am happy to say that through the work dinners, the too good mai tai's, the yummy lava flows, too much tuna poke, a band with zero restriction, I am down two pounds.  So on my docs scale - down 22, on my own scale, down 26 - woo hoo - I will take it...so down 26 since i made the decision to get the band March 3 and down 22 since my band date, April 25.  I was hoping to be down a little more but i will take the 22 or 26 :-).

I had a fill appt on July 2nd - 4 cc's to start.  What a strange feeling to get the fill - not painful but it took my doc a few mins to find the port...that wasn't so awesome :-)  But all went well.  

So how are things going now?  Pretty good - very tight in the morning, gurgling when i drink my coffee in the morning. So I don't start my day with food.

And yes, I got back into some bad old habits the last month:

1 - Alcohol, mostly wine, but there has been beer - so bubbles - I actually didn't have any issues with the beer but the empty calories I know are my undoing and my lack of loss.

2 - Drinking while eating - this is one of those cardinal rules I wasn't following - so now I am back on track and following that again.

3 - When I am on vacation and out of my routine, I give myself way too much license to do lots of bad eating, mostly mindless and snacking, and salty foods, not healthy foods - not good.  

4 - Eating too fast equals feeling stuck...need to remember to slow down.

5 - Drinking from a straw - another thing that shouldn't be done but i didn't have any issues.

All of the above things i am sure is because I was healed and had no restriction.

I feel as if I am losing my hair...I know that many of you have experienced that too so I am really going to start focusing on my protein intake and do some homework on best supplements to take to help with this.  

So in all, the band stuff is positive, summer is usually a time for too much eating and drinking and gaining weight - but not this summer - I am maintaining and now on track to losing.  Back to the gym this week.

Family life - not that great - DS and I are not getting along great, yesterday in an argument he said four times - I can't take this anymore - I didn't ask what "this" was - he will figure it out and tell me - but honestly the door is always an option - don't do me any favors - if you don't want to be here - you have options.  Don't make my life or others here in this house miserable.

Sorry to close on a downer.

Goals for this week:

1 - No drinking while eating

2 - Find a supplement for hair loss

3 - Go to the gym three times

4 - Have at least one protein shake a day

5 - Take vitamins every day

6 - Log my food and exercise

Weigh In - woo hoo

Over 20 lbs down in a month.  I think I did pretty good!  Woo hoo for me.

That's all - off to go to a school function and enjoy this beautiful weather this afternoon!

TTT

It has been a week since I have blogged.  Great week, feeling great.  Weight loss has slowed considerably but my lovely monthly friend is here and I think that is what is causing the loss to slow.  I have been reading lots of posts here and that seems to do some strange things to lots of people so I hope that is the case.  Have an appt with my surgeon tomorrow - will see what she says.

The 25th is my one month bandiversary.  I feel great.  Wonder if i will get a fill tomorrow...i am thinking no based on what i have seen from others - when do they know when to do a fill?

So my TTT

10 - I put on a pair of pants the other day and they are loose - woo hoo.

9 - Getting ready for my daughters graduation, excited for her and the next chapter of her life going to college.  

8 - I hate my cycle!  It really did change things this month. Tighter feeling in my belly but more crampy - YUCK!  I usually pop advil but my surgeon says no way - so am a little confused on what to take to feel better.

7 - 2.5 weeks to go until a HUGE event i plan.  I usually spend the stress times in the kitchen foraging - have been stopping myself doing that and grabbing an iced tea or going to sit outside.  Man that is a tough habit to break.  Yay me for trying to change.

6 - Memorial day - looking forward to hopefully a quiet weekend.

5 - Getting a pedicure and manicure today - yay me!

4 - Exercise - yes, i need to do it, no i haven't been doing it...the mind game of feeling like a big ol fatty out there just is hard to overcome

3 - I love everyone's blogs and get so inspired reading them every day.

2 - My scale is weighing heavier than my surgeon's - not sure which weight to post and if i only weigh with her once a month - what do i post - putting me in a twist...

1 - I weigh every day - i know i shouldn't but i do.

Back to the grind of work.  

TTT - Ten Things Thursday

I love reading these on blogs so i am going to do this today.  I don't know if it is supposed to be ten things i am happy about, things i am going to do, things i observe or what so i am just doing my own ten for thursday :-) 

10 - NSV on Monday - did the elliptical and changed the settings for my user :-)  Hadn't been on that thing in a long time.  boy was that nice to adjust it down

9 - NSV - put on a pair of pants I haven't worn since i had lost 30 lbs on WW.  They fit again!  Starting to dip into my various sizes i have on hand - yay for the size array in my closet

8 - NSV - bought a pair of capris pre-op and put them on today and they are loose

7 - Went out to mexican food last night and ordered fish tacos, grilled not breaded - ate the fish, not the tortillas and no chips and salsa 

6 - Will anyone notice my loss?  I am about 22 lbs down and no one has said anything - i am trying not to let it bring me down and i have lots to lose so 22lbs on a little person is a huge loss on me - maybe not so much

5 - I like wine, why do I like wine so much?  I especially like Sangria - here is my low cal version - 2/3 crystal light; 1/3 red wine; splash of countreau; hits the craving and is lower calorie than regular wine and lots of ice

4 - Sleeping - oh i sleep so much better as i am losing and as i am exercising - very rewarding

3 - Mushies - getting bored of them, but i think only one more week of them.  I have had a few non-mushies that turn to mushy from the chewing

2 - Weighing - seriously addicted, have to get on every morning - and i know this isn't a good idea and i have read all the thoughts about hiding it, etc - but it just keeps me honest...

1 - And the number one for me this week - DIETBET - i am loving this thing and am really going for the win - wish me luck!

What did me in...

I joined diet bet last night :-)  I have seen some other bandsters do it so why not try...sending someone my weight is a bit scary to me but i will do it - today, in my TSA outfit and with my code word.

I was starving Sunday and yesterday - looked at the calendar and my monthly friend should be here any day.  No wonder I was starving...i did the grazing thing with mushy food - yogurt, refried beans, soup, even a little ice cream from the mother's day dessert...ugh!  I wasn't up on the scale today but still, this few days before KILL ME!  So i am now going to track it in plain view to make sure i know and can have things in the house to keep on track.

Had my first episode of something getting stuck or just not going down right.  I had never experienced such a thing - but YUCK.  Here is how it happened.  Went to costco with my mom, bought some of their chicken salad, brought it home, was STARVING, no breakfast and had walked in the morning, and started to eat - too fast, not chewing enough, forgetting i had a band.  And a few bites in - UH OH...rushed to the bathroom and gagged - did not throw up (have to use those words - hate the V word).  OMG - sweating, spitting out all the extra saliva, hotter than hot - WTH...not pretty and not something I want to experience again.  I have become the master chewer :-)  And yes, this really wasn't a mushy, but my chewing made it mushy - at least it does now.

Last week I was a little MIA from here, traveling for work - boy that was harder than i thought it was going to be.  I did great for breakfast, had a muscle milk light.  Lunch - i went and found soup in our cafeteria at work.  Dinner - oh boy - that was tough!  And i swear, why do people pay attention to what each other is eating???  I got more attention from everyone wondering if i had enough to eat...really, people?  I think i have had enough to eat for the last 40 years, it is ok to not have so much to eat today :-)

What did me in last week - was the wine - it was everywhere, every night and I am just not that strong to say no - so i didn't, and the scale showed when i got home - not a lot of movement, nothing gained but only a few pounds down.  Ho Hum...back home and working through strategies in my head for the next time i am out of town :-)  And completely back on track, except for the mushy madness yesterday.

Thanks for reading/stopping by.  For those of you who have posted comments in the past, sorry I didn't respond earlier - just new to the blogging thing and didn't see the comments until today...

On my way - woo hoo!!!

One week post op - down 15.8 pounds - yay me!!!

I have been really, really sticking to everything, clear liquids, getting in my protein, etc.

Now i am on to mushy foods - just had a 1/4 cup of yellow tomato soup, very delicious and so far sitting just right with me.  

A few observations:

1 - I am not that hungry, the challenge i have is more with smell - why the heck does our mouth water when it gets a good smell?  so strange, i get the science behind it but would be nice if that part of the science would just go away

2 - I am very nervous (maybe a better word is cautious) about having any issues.  I just don't want to feel that terrible tightness I have been feeling the past week - that just plain sucked!  The shoulder pain was ridiculous.  I sincerely hope that is all over.

3 - I am surprised it is 3 weeks until any kind of fill.  But I need to heal so I guess i will take it.

I go see the doctor again in 3 weeks - goal in 3 weeks:

1 - Be down another 10 lbs

2 - Be walking at least 4 times a week for 30 mins

Goal by my daughter's graduation on June 8 - be down 14.2 lbs - total of 30 lbs...

So as i say - I feel i am on my way - feeling good, feeling strong, feeling like i will be successful!

These burgers are amazing - seriously????

Last night was a bit hard, maybe not hard, more annoying, DS made mini hamburgers for him and the kids, he came down to the couch and sat right next to me and ate four of them.  The night before he sat next to me and ate a chick-fil-a sandwich and fries...should i be upset?  I don't know?  I kind of was, the kicker was that after he ate the burgers his comment to me was "those were so amazing".  I was like "Seriously???, you are going to sit there and say that to me right now???"  WTH???

I guess today i am going to need to talk to the whole family about helping me with this journey - i didn't really do that before this journey and i guess i do.  I am going to need them to be conscious of what they do and where they eat and the words they use after they eat the food...

Honestly last night though, the burgers weren't appealing to me, probably because the water and shakes i am doing right now feel a little slow going down the pipe - so the thought of bread or a burger - no way!

It is day 4 of the band and still feeling pretty good.  The only challenges is that i feel so tight in my chest, must be the hiatal hernia that she repaired.  But otherwise, still a bit of pressure from the gas and some shoulder pain but from what i read on the various blogs, etc this is all normal and to be expected.
Had some chicken broth yesterday, a few bits of jello, 1.5 protein packets and most of my water.  Only one flintstones, but all in all a pretty good day.
Today's goals:
1 - Move more, back to work tomorrow
2 - Get in both protein packs
3 - Drink 48 oz of water
4 - Take both of my flintstones
5 - Not lay down on the couch for more than two hours :-)

One day post

Day after and doing great. Been up walking every hour, getting in my liquids, one protein shake down, one more to go. Have changed from the Tylenol with codeine to just Tylenol. Seems to be ok. Takes the edge off. 

The support from those that know has been amazing. I am super duper lucky. So when I am ready to share with others I can point them to this site :). 

I have really been enjoying reading all the other lap band blogs. Great info and insights. Can't wait to get some of the weight tracker widgets on my site. Just not yet. Waiting to log on to my computer when I am up vs. on my iPad. 

I am not hungry today. My hubbies lunch smelled good but I wasn't interested :). 

Also spoke to the doc today and she was surprised I was already working the program so well. I told her that following the program is what we need to do. The rules and guides are here for a reason. So let's do it!

'twas the night before banding

It is the night before my surgery and I am in the soft foods mode. Really, really excited and pretty nervous at the same time. I am so looking forward to this next chapter of my life. I am at the doorway of success!!!